Chronicles of Jesus Llama NES

Yeah. The story of Jesus Llama, Mohamed Koala, and JuJu the Magical Panda Bear. One or two sentences at a time.

One day, Jesus Llama went to the store to by tens of thousands of bananas which he paid for by swiping the crucifix he wore every single day in the credit card place.

"Excuse me, mister!" the cashier screamed, who had the appearance of a Arabic koala because of the turban precariously placed on his head. "We only take Visa, Mastercard and Discover!"

Jesus Llama scoffed, "Eff you! I am your lord and savior, I don't need a credit card!" And he zapped the cashier with his amazing Jesus Llama powers and ran out of the store with all of his bananas.

Later, while he was driving in his hot pink SmartCar, Jesus Llama turned on the radio to hear a man's voice on a police report:
There is a crazy llama on the loose. He stole tens of thousands of bananas and then MURDERED the cashier. This monster must be stopped and I, Obamananiqua Jones, shall not rest until this fiend is FOUND and DESTROYED!

"Well fuck," Jesus Llama sighed. "Now I have to kill him too!" So he set his hot pink smart car into flying-mode and drove straight to the lawn of the Capital of the United States of Stupid People--the purple house--where Obamananiqua Jones (the president of the nation) lived.

Suddenly four giant blobs that looked like blueberry Jell-O descended into the yard of the purple house.
"Llama, llama, duck. Llama, llama, duck." They repeated in monotonous voices as they closed in around the pink SmartCar. Jesus Llama put his hooves over his ears.
"NO! Make them stop!" he wailed, and hit the accelerator. The car smashed right into one of the creatures, but it got stuck! The wheels spun and the CO2 started to fill the car!
"STUPID smartcar! You're supposed to be SMART!" he yelled in fury!